Fanboy
by SugarTensai
Summary: Dedicated to Sei Hikari. Kirihara Akaya gets some fanboys that would like to talk to him for just one moment, please. CRACK.


**A/N:** This fic is dedicated to** Sei Hikari, **because she is amazing and awesome and really, really, supportive.

And possibly because I missed her birthday fic. T-T **_I'M SORRY_**

* * *

><p>Five minutes after tennis practice, Kirihara Akaya had finished practicing his devil mode and was now surrounded by a group of large, hairy men, with scars all over their arms. One of the men reached out-<p>

"Akaya!" Yukimura's shout came from behind him. Sanada was right in stride, snatching Kirihara away and ready to Tarundoru those _bastards_ to the moon.

Unfortunately for them, the bastards weren't Tarundoru-ed to the moon, but rather faced with that smile Yukimura reserved for when _Akaya-is-harassed-by-hairy-bastards-with-scars-on-their-arms._

Kirihara had been released from Sanada's grip by now and was conversing with the rest of the tennis team while Yukimura interrogated the strange men.

"I'm surprised." Jackal announced, sitting beside Marui. "Yukimura hasn't like, pulverized those guys yet."

"Piyo- especially when they chose Akaya to harass…"

Right at this moment, Yukimura came walking over with the men in tow. "Akaya, these men are scouts wanting to talk to you." He said this sentence in a manner that clearly meant: _those lying brutes. _

Keeping a smile on his face, still, Yukimura retreated from the scene, ushering the curiously listening tennis members with him.

"So." The leader, it seemed, began.

"…um." Kirihara nodded in confusion.

"We know." said one.

"We saw." Cut in another.

"Wait-" Kirihara gasped at them, "you STALK me?!"

"Well…it's impossible not to notice…you were standing out so much…your eyes, actually..."

Kirihara frowned. _His devil mode?_

Realization suddenly dawned on him. "SANADA TOLD ME ABOUT YOU GUYS-"

The men looked confused. "He is one of us as well?"

Kirihara's eyes widened, _SANADA WAS A PEDOPHILE TOO?!_

_No, no, he was too Yukimura centered to be one, _Kirihara confirmed as he shook his head.

"You are _one, _correct?" One of the men asked, lowering his voice.

"Um. Sure." Kirihara answered cluelessly.

"So anyways." The man began again, speaking to Kirihara, "We would like to recruit you-"

"Um." Kirihara responded again as he continued staring wide-eyed at the 'pedophiles'.

"-to Aogiri Tree. You seem very dependable-"

Kirihara was surprised.

He didn't know pedophiles had cults.

"-and have much self control."

"Self control?" Kirihara was confused.

"Well, you seem to have withheld your desires." The leader said.

Another man laughed. "Especially with such tasty looking bodies." He looked pointedly at Yukimura.

Kirihara gasped inwardly.

_The pedophiles were going after Yukimura buchou!_

The men continued to voice their opinions, oblivious to Kirihara's growing fear.

"Me, I would have savored him slowly..."

_Kirihara remembered Renji's health class lessons..._

"No, no, just devour him whole-"

_Why, oh why, did Renji put up such detailed pictures! _

"But preparing such a boy would be precarious-"

"Oh, the clothes get in the way. I would strip him first."

Kirihara let out a shriek at this and at the rather..._interesting_ images forming in his mind.

There was no question.

Kirihara ran.

And screamed very loudly.

"MURA-BUCHOU! THE PEDOPHILES!"

Marui, hearing this, screamed and backed away, running to hide behind Jackal, 'The Wall'.

And then thought better of it and ran to hide behind Yukimura, 'The Child of God.'

Or you can refer to him as the oh-so-pretty-boy-who-kills-with-his-smile...which was what Yukimura was demonstrating now.

Yukimura looked murderously at the five men who had been the cause of Kirihara's distress calls.

"...A hundred percent chance _someone _is going to be hurt." Renji stated as he watched their captain walk calmly toward the men.

"You mean killed?" Yagyuu corrected.

"In a brutal fashion." Renji confirmed.

They all watched as Yukimura blinked innocently and one of the men randomly toppled facedown, on the ground. The standing four men looked alarmingly down at their now senseless companion. Yukimura smiled.

The yips were a terrifying thing.

"How unusual," Yukimura exclaimed in a tone that clearly meant _be-afraid-you-bastards._

The on looking tennis players took this as a cue to run far, far, away.

* * *

><p>Yukimura brushed off his hands.<p>

"What utterly nasty Aogiri henchmen."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **To anyone who didn't get it: Kirihara's devil mode was mistaken for ghoul eyes. Yas.


End file.
